


Hands

by waterfallliam



Category: Proxy Series - Alex London
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 10:38:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6750505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waterfallliam/pseuds/waterfallliam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5 times Liam touched Syd with his hands and one time he didn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hands

**sickness**

Liam’s metal hand was cold against Syd’s back. His dark skin was hotter than usual, his veins black and bulging. Liam held him up with one hand and tried to get him to drink some water from a bottle in his other.

“Syd, stay with me,” Liam whispered. Syd couldn’t make out the words but the cadence of Liam’s voice was soothing, calming. He felt cold, so cold.

“You’re going to be okay,” Liam said.

Syd had been trying to sweat away his fever for three days now. The last meds Tom had returned with had been fake, probably made by some kid hoping to be able to barter. He’d been gone for  a day now, undoubtedly trying to strike fear into the heart of anyone he met whilst searching for supplies. Just like so many others. Everyone was clawing for more life at the edge of this lifeless wasteland.

Liam was gentle as he laid Syd back down again on their makeshift bed: a blanket over soft sand under a rather beaten up tarp. He’d managed to grab some supplies before leaving the Jungle City. It’d become so awash with desperation that staying in the desert amongst the rocks and burning sand had become their safest option, even if it wasn’t the ideal place for someone a sick as Syd. Marie had stayed behind with her father, promising she would see them again. Just as soon as she was better. Liam had swallowed the truth that her recovery was unlikely because he hoped to see her again, too. But he hadn’t said so.

Liam gently caressed Syd’s face.

“Syd,” he whispered, eyes damp, “I’m here.”

“Take care of him for me, too,” Marie had said before they left. Liam had nodded solemnly, understanding her double meaning. But she would make it. Syd would make it. Liam’s left hand clenched into a tight fist. They had to make it.

Syd let out a long whine.

“It’s okay, Syd. Hold on,” Liam said for what must have been the hundredth time that day. The sun was getting closer to the rocky horizon and Liam cursed silently. Tom should’ve been back hours ago.

“I have so much to tell you,” Liam whispered, curled up beside Syd. “Please.” The wind tried to whisk his words away, but Liam moved closer to Syd.

“I lo-” Liam said, and the wind only blew stronger.

It was dark when Tom returned. Liam’s hands was curled around Syd’s, his body curled around their hands. Syd was sweating profusely, but when Tom laid his hand against Syd’s forehead it didn’t feel hot, only warm. Tom smiled in the dark as he laid the pills and water he’d schlepped back to camp down on the sand, joining them in unconsciousness after a last, happy look at Syd.

 

**fire**

The fire crackled, its light hidden by the looming rocks that surrounded them. The three of them were a few meters away from their tarp, and Syd was huddled underneath the blanket that had also served as their bed. The stars shone above them, bright in the dark expanse of the night sky.

Syd had ripped his shirt off himself in the middle of a fit before Liam could hold him back, so now Liam caught glimpses of his torso as he shifted under the blanket. Liam did not need to see to know that Syd had deep welts in his back from where he’d scratched himself. There’d be more of them if Liam had been slower. Liam reminded himself not to dwell on how he could have been faster. What mattered was that Syd was alive and that they were together.

“Did you see Marie?” Liam finally broke the silence.

“No,” Tom said sadly. Syd hung his head. Liam rummaged in the bag beside him, pulling out the last can they had.

“Syd should have it,” Tom said before Liam could.

“No, not all,” Syd protested, his voice weak from screaming. It was lucky that anyone who’d heard had assumed Syd was alone, sick and dangerous. Not that Liam would have let anything happen to him if that hadn’t been the case.

“Yes, you’re the one who hasn’t eaten in a week.” Liam stood up to go and sit next to Syd, closer to the fire. The relieved kisses they’d shared earlier after Syd had awoken might have been the best of Liam’s life, but sadly they had no nutritional value.

Syd reached out a hand, desperately hungry, hating how easily he accepted a whole can instead of sharing.

“Careful,” Liam said, one of his hands catching Syd’s. He’d almost stuck it in the fire. Syd smiled his thanks as Liam sat down beside him.

“I’m gonna turn in early,” Tom said awkwardly before getting up and walking to the tarp, far away enough that Syd and Liam had some privacy.

“Thank you,” Syd said. Liam smiled, a reply on his lips.

“For everything I mean,” Syd continued, suddenly unsure. The fire flickered over his face, and as haggard and tired as Syd looked, it still caught Liam off guard. Liam nodded and could feel his cheeks heating up. His metal hand clacked against the can as he opened it with a knife he’d pulled from his boot.

“Here,” Liam said as he handed Syd the now open can and a spoon.

“Tell me some of your story,” Syd said before having a spoonful of food from the can. The noodles in the can tasted faintly of metal but in that moment Syd thought he’d never tasted anything better. He’d made it, he was alive, and here Liam was. Just like he’d said he’d be.

“It started with my mother,” Liam said, “she gave birth to me. She gave me kindness in an unkind world.”

They stayed up long into the night, the stars winking down at them and an entire city on the brink of burning just over the horizon.

 

**new world**

“Duck,” Marie grinned as she threw scrap metal over Liam’s head. She was alive and stronger than ever.

Their reunion had been joyous. After Syd could walk, he, Liam and Tom had made their way back to the Jungle City, unwilling to abandon Marie or any of the other people in it, no matter how much they might deserve it.

She’d run to them with open arms and it’d taken Liam a few seconds to believe it. They’d made it.

“So, you two ready to build a new world?” She’d asked, and just like that they’d found a place for themselves in this new world. Today they were clearing out debris from an old hospital, trying to salvage and medical equipment they could use to help take care of the sick.

No one had tried to lead the new world yet - a miracle in itself. Instead everyone was grieving or dying or trying their hardest to help. Syd was skeptical about how long it would last, about what they could build afterwards. The last revolution hadn’t ended well for them.

“It’s different this time, everyone is willing now,” Marie had said.

“We can’t build another system based on punishment or debt,” Syd had said, looking into Marie’s tired, resilient eyes. He still saw the purple haired girl from the desert fire who seemed to have more ideals than could be good for anyone in her. Marie was someone who dared dream for a better world.

“Agreed,” Liam had said, trying not to remember Cousin’s face or the council looking down at him, his life in their hands.

In that moment they’d planted the seed of a new era together.

“Take a break with me,” Syd grunted, sweat dripping off his brow. Liam dropped the bed he’d been dismantling and followed eagerly, slipping a hand into one of Syd’s. They stopped at some old steps to sit down with Syd.

“I’ve been wondering,” Syd said, holding Liam’s right hand in his, “how you got this.” Liam swallowed. “It was missing from your story.”

“It was my mother. I’d been infected with the data-” Liam stopped abruptly.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, I can wait.” Syd rubbed his thumb over the metal absentmindedly and Liam smiled at the sight. Maybe his hand didn’t just have to mean killing. It was a part of him, as was the weight of every life he’d taken. But it also represented how his mother had saved him.

“My hand... the infection was spreading,” Liam said quietly, unable to stop looking at how the hard metal reflected the afternoon sun.

Syd leaned forward and wrapped his warm, muscular arm around Liam. Tears slipped out of the corners of his pale eyes. Liam scrunched them up and pressed them into Syd’s shoulder. Their arms were being crushed between them, but neither of them noticed.

“She saved me,” Liam whispered. She had not known what horrors had awaited him, she’d wanted the best for him. Even now, she had saved him from potential death by what people were beginning to call Black Corruption.

Syd pulled back and looked at Liam’s visage. His crooked nose, the splattering of dense freckles, the pale, damp eyes. His eyes slipped to Liam’s lips for a second. Instead of kissing them, Syd leaned forward to gently kiss Liam’s cheek.

They stayed on the steps for a while, Syd holding Liam, the sunlight setting his hair on fire.

 

**unthinkable**

“Syd, I can’t erase what I’ve done,” Liam sobbed, holding his metal hand against Syd’s chest, his finger splayed and perfectly still whilst the rest of him trembled.

“Liam,” Syd pleaded, “look at me.”

Liam looked at Syd, looked at his stubble - the beginnings of a beard, looked at his dark eyes, kind but concerned.

A violent machinist had tried to attack Syd today, his machinist friends unable to hold him back. Afterwards, they'd apologised profusely, blaming some drug they'd scavenged.

The angry machinists who still wanted to restore the old system, no matter how impossible it’d be to realise their dream within their lives, were becoming increasingly violent. Most machinists were relieved now that they weren't being persecuted, and only insisted on not giving up on technology. It was only a very small faction who were in fact like the machinist threat the Reconciliation had built them up to be. And they were still out for Syd’s blood.

But now they weren't the only ones. Suddenly leaders had started cropping up everywhere, all of them power hungry and furious. Syd himself was still angry about everything that had been done to him, he was still furious about all the lives lost. But he knew anger couldn't be the way forward.

“You saved my life,” Syd said, biting back the ‘again’ he was about to hang on the end. Reminding Liam of just how many times he'd flirted with death wouldn't help here.

“I know,” Liam said, “I don't regret that.” He was quiet for a moment. Syd felt that any breath he might take would suck all of the air out of the room.

“It's just - did he have to die?”

“He was going to kill me,” Syd said. “What choice did you have?” The words burned in his throat. Would they ever get to live in a world where they didn’t have to fight to exist; where the cost of living seemed too high on some days?

“I should’ve knocked him out. I'm trained Syd, I know the difference between-” Liam trembled harder, scrunching his eyes together.

“He's the one who moved before the pipe hit.” Liam had meant to wind him, not bash his head in.

“Yes but I should have-”

Syd reached forward and cupped Liam’s face with his hands. Liam melted into the touch, his eyes snapping open. He felt his emotions spilling out from him like his tears, a whirlpool that sucked him in instead of a waterfall. He didn't need to hide how he felt from Syd anymore, he reminded himself.

“I love you,” Liam said softly, curling his metal hand into the fabric of Syd’s shirt. Syd pulled him close.

“Thank you for saving me,” he said again, wishing that no one else would ever have to die because of him. Suddenly remembering that Liam almost had, multiple times, was bad enough. Syd tugged Liam, holding him close. Losing Liam now was unthinkable.

“I'll try my best not to die because of you,” Liam whispered as he leant forward, touching his forehead against Syd’s. Syd realised he must’ve said his last thought out loud.

“I love you, too,” Syd said.

 

**domestic bliss**

“Here, let me,” Liam gently took the shaving blade from Syd’s hands. Syd had tried to grow a beard, succeeded, and then decided that he didn't like it at all.

“Thanks,” Syd said before Liam started.

“Careful, if you talk while I'm doing this…” Liam's words had no heat in them and Syd smirked. They reminded him of how Liam had tried to get him to stay out when he’d first been assigned as his bodyguard. Back then Syd had hated every second of having to be watched, to be guarded at all times. In retrospect he could appreciate the danger he’d been placing Liam in simultaneously when he’d ran off, yet still the fact that Liam had cared about him, even before Syd had known him, was comforting.

He waited for Liam to rinse the blade to talk again.

“Then what? I’ll need to go see a medic to take of my cuts?” Syd smiled coyly. Liam was three months away from completing his training as a field medic. They worked in the same building - the once makeshift, now established, hospital in the southeast quarter of Jungle City. Syd worked there, too, sometimes. He was a mechanic now, fixing up useful tech for whoever needed it. Days when he got to work at the hospital were his favourite.

“I’d rather you didn’t, Syd,” Liam murmured, applying some more shaving cream.

“Does that mean you can talk? How was your day, Liam?”

Liam blushed a little. He resumed shaving Syd with his metal hand. It was ever steady, not faltering in anything Liam put his mind to.

“It was okay,” Liam said. Syd stopped himself from nodding. It had taken them a while to settle into an everyday rhythm. Marie had been the first of them to manage it. Amongst the various struggles for power, an overwhelming desire for democratic elections had arisen. The people couldn’t remember a time when they’d had the power to rule themselves. With the ruins of an undemocratic world around them, the vicious power struggle had turned into a potentially lethal landscape of election campaigns.

Marie was the only one of them that had been surprised when she’d won. She’d helped everyone, she didn’t shy away from a challenge and she already had tangible plans to for the future. Ones where the people maintained their power.

“What do you want to do with the rest of it?” Syd asked as Liam rinsed the blade again.

“I don’t have anything in particular in mind,” Liam admitted. “Why, do you?”

Syd smirked mischievously when Liam removed the blade again.

“Do you want to want to go stargazing in the desert with me tonight?” Syd asked. Liam thought it over as he finished shaving Syd.

Their last, real trip into the desert had been over a year ago, when Syd had almost died. Sure, they had travelled through it on their way to the Mountain City on scouting missions and supply runs, but this would be something different. Something new.

“Alright,” Liam said, dabbing the last of the shaving cream off Syd’s face with a towel. Bartering some had not been easy. Before, kids had just modded themselves to look however they desired. Now, a lot of what had been taken for granted became a new problem to solve. Luckily the ex-rebooters were willing to help, regardless of who someone used to be.

On the whole, everyone tried to do away with names, with labels. Some wanted to forget their painful past, but mostly it was a step forward, a sign of trust. Ideally, everyone would be equal now. But even though people did not say the words any more, the past cannot be buried overnight and kept quiet. Your past has shaped you, you cannot deny that, but it does not have to define what you do now, Liam thought.

Trying to overcome prejudice and resentment was a step he hoped everyone was taking. The new world wasn’t free of consequences, but they wouldn’t dole out punishment to ex-patrons - the Reconciliation had already seen to that. Apologies were still being made, and Syd had confided in Liam that he hoped, even if they weren’t forgiven, that it would start mending the gap between them.

Liam had seen more bits of the puzzle that was Syd’s past over the past year. Though it was still incomplete, it spoke of pain and violence. He hoped that in a few generations the divides between former groups would only be faint scars; he hoped that they would be able to move past the pain, past the violence. Never to repeat itself.

Marie was already working on a way to recover old information and find a way to record their history as far back as she could.

“I’ll grab some food, could you get some blankets?” Syd asked as he slid off the stool he’d been sitting on.

Housing had been one of Marie’s primary concerns once the worst of the sickness had passed. The Reconciliation had already laid the groundwork, so it hadn’t been her greatest challenge when considering a new world.

“Sure,” Liam smiled, his eyes following Syd as he slipped out of their bathroom doorway.

 

**cassiopeia**

“They’re beautiful,” Liam said, admiring the night sky. He and Syd were curled up together under a pile of blankets with a fire crackling peacefully a couple feet away.

“Do you know any of the constellations?” Syd asked. The last time he’d gazed at the stars in the desert felt like a lifetime ago. It had been when he, Marie and Knox had fled the Mountain City in search of the rebooters and liberation from debt.

“I know the North star,” Liam answered, “it was useful for navigation in case the tech failed.” Syd followed Liam’s gaze. “It's the brightest star in the night sky.”

“I used to look up at night,” Liam said slowly. Syd could feel as well as hear the rumble of his voice from where he’d laid his head on Liam’s chest. “I didn’t know any of the old constellations - still don’t - so I used to make up my own.”

“Show me?” Syd asked.

“There,” Liam pointed up at the sky, “you see those three really bright stars? They form the middle of an eight.”

“I thought you couldn’t read?” Syd said softly.

“Well, I can read numbers,” Liam said, “and I’ve been trying to learn more.”

“That’s great,” Syd said and pressed a kiss again the blanket between him and Liam’s chest.

“Do you see the eight?” Liam asked a few moments later, and Syd didn’t need to look to know that Liam was blushing.

“Uh… yes, yes I do!” Syd exclaimed.

“Okay… look back at the North star again, now look that way a bit,” Liam pointed with his hand again, “do you see the wonky toothbrush?” Syd stifled his laugh against a blanket.

“What is it?” Liam asked.

“It’s you,” Syd smiled, leaning his head back to look at Liam’s face. He was frowning, which was quite amusing when viewed the wrong way round.

“You’re fantastic,” Syd said seriously. Liam spluttered, the stars above them forgotten.

“I mean it,” Syd continued, “you’re also clever and handsome and strong and I’m so happy to be here with you.” Liam breathed in shakily, his cheeks heating up again.

“Can I kiss you?” Liam asked, and Syd nodded.

Liam caught Syd’s lips in his own briefly, giving him a taste of what was to come. As Liam pulled back, Syd tried to follow, but Liam was moving from under him.

“Liam-”

Liam slowly moved so that he was on top of Syd, both of them sandwiched in between blankets. He planted his hands on either side of Syd’s head and leaned down slowly, stopping an inch above Syd. Syd could feel Liam’s hot breath on his lips.

“Stop working out, kiss me instead,” Syd said hoarsely, his heart beating fast with anticipation. This wasn’t an ideal time for Liam to do some push ups, no matter how much Syd enjoyed watching him so them.

Liam closed the gap between them, his eyes slipping shut. He kissed Syd slowly at first, thoroughly and deliberately. Syd could feel his toes curl, could feel himself wanting more. He deepened the kiss, smiling when Liam moaned. Their lips were the only point where they were touching each other.

“C’mere,” Syd muttered between kisses and roughly tugged on the blanket above Liam, causing him to fall on top of Syd. He relished how hot and heavy his boyfriend was on top of him. They continued to make out, the silence of the desert interrupted only by the noises they made and the crackling of their fire.

A while later Syd rolled them over so that they were side by side.

“You were getting a bit heavy,” Syd admitted and Liam pouted slightly.

“You know…” Syd said, idly rubbing his thumb over Liam’s cheek, “I think I can see the wonky toothbrush now.” Liam raised an eyebrow.

“It’s right here,” Syd said, pressing gently with his thumb. Liam laughed, surprised.

“And here,” Syd squinted a little, looking at Liam’s other cheek, “I can see Cassiopeia.”

“So you know some constellations after all,” Liam said.

“The old ones, sure,” Syd admitted, “but I like yours more.” Liam smiled and leaned in for another kiss.

They stayed in the desert all night, snuggling beneath the stars and passionately enjoying each other’s company. When the sun rose they were reluctant to leave, but a lifetime of tomorrows stretched out before them, filled with possibility.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to everyone for reading, and also thank you for all the love for scratches in the sand!  
> it's been too long since i finished anything proxy/guardian-related, so i hope this was enjoyable :)


End file.
